Adam Ash

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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Clit problem: poor chick needs advice because her huge clit freaks guys out

From Dan Savage's advice column "Savage Love"

Q. I'm a straight woman who hasn't had sex in five years. Why? Because every time I get close to a guy he's shocked by the large size of my clit. I get, "What is that down there?" "It looks like a mini-penis," and "I wasn't sure what to thinkóguy or girl." Is there anything I can do? Surgery? I live in Canada so I'm hoping our health care system thinks this is as emotionally distressing as I do. Please help. I just want to have sex again and feel normal. óBig Clit

A. Big clits, small clits, red clits, blue clitsóthey're all outside my area of expertise, BC, so I shared your letter with Alice Dreger, a medical humanities and bioethics professor at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine. Dreger works as a patient advocate for people born with "different-than-average sex anatomies," and she has tons of good advice for the differently clitted. (She also has a website: alicedreger.com .) "Just like penises and breasts and noses come in different shapes and sizes, so do clits," Dreger said. "Study after study keeps showing the same thing: Clits naturally vary a lot more than those diagrams on gynecologists' walls lead you to believe." Unfortunately, not everyone has gotten the memoófrom your sex partners, BC, to the medical establishment.

"Lots of docs will be happy to operate on you," said Dreger. "Will the Canadian health care system pay for it? Maybe. Should you get surgery? I wouldn't in a million years, knowing what I know. Many women who have had clitoral-reduction surgery as children and as adults report diminished sexual sensation. You cut into a really sensitive organ, and you're messing with sensation. Take parts off, take sensation away. Worse yet, some women who have had this surgery report short-term or lifelong genital pain."

If that's not enough to dissuade you, BC, consider this: Most of the surgeons out there hacking away at different-than-average clits don't know much about clitoral geography. "They've finally started confessing this in the medical meetings I attend," said Dreger. "For example, the nerves turn out to be in different places than most of them thought. Oops! And most of them don't know that most women masturbate by rubbing the shaft of the clitówhich is kind of like how most men masturbate, by rubbing the shaft of their penises. Meanwhile the shaft is what surgeons typically remove, thinking only the glans (the nubbin at the tip) is what's important. Oops again!" And women who get the surgery don't wind up feeling "normal," she added. "A recent study showed that, in fact, surgery cemented their feeling of being 'different' while interfering with genital sensation." (You can read more about that study at isna.org/node/1039 .) So what should you do?

"First off, know this clit is normal for you," said Dreger. "If it gives you sexual pleasure, don't mess with it! Second, learn to prepare your sex partners for what they're going to find when they head south. Explain what I did at the startóclits, like penises, vary in size, and you were blessed with a clit that makes it easy for guys to find." And while some guys will appreciate your big clit for its easy-to-locate quality, BC, others will appreciate your big clit for its sheer size. "I've had a number of straight women ask me how they can grow their clits bigger, because they and their mates are turned on by the idea. The notion that all men like petite clits is just plain wrong. (And the answer to 'Can I grow my clit bigger?' is yes, with testosterone, but you should be prepared for systemic masculinizing effects and medical risks.)" (Proof that some men love big clits can be found at

mybigclit.com , which is "not safe for work," as the kids sayóand not safe at any time, day or night, for squeamish faggots.) One last word from Dreger: "There's a small chance that your big clit signals some underlying medical concern. Big clits don't cause any medical problems, but they can be a sign that something is up, something like adrenal hyperplasia. If you are having menstrual problems or other unexplained medical issues, talk to a trusted doctor."

Q. I'm 25 and have been with my 27-year-old boyfriend for five years. After a night of heavy drinking, we were talking to another couple (both 26, our friends for two years) about threesomes. They invited us back to their place. We had some fun, mainly oral; then the other couple decided it was time to "swap." So the guy and I went in another room and we ended up having vaginal sex. When the girl found out she was furious. My boyfriend was also upset. My boyfriend and I didn't set clear boundaries, but I assumed the other couple had, since they initiated the foursome. I betrayed my boyfriend and I will work on that. But I resent the girl thinking I betrayed her. She was into the foursome and her boyfriend initiated the sex, so I assumed she was OK with it. Did I betray the girl too? óFoursome Undermines Couple's Kinky Yearnings

A. Repeat after me, FUCKY: "I didn't betray anyoneónot my boyfriend, not the other couple. In the future, however, I will assume nothing and set boundaries. This will require explicit, thorough conversations about what is and isn't mutually agreeable before any messing around, and occasional check-ins during the messing around. For while it may not be my responsibility to make sure that everyone is on the same page, it's in my best interest to do so."

4 Comments:

At 10/24/2007 4:00 AM, Blogger Oleg said...

huge clit video here:
video
5 minutes explicit video.

 
At 2/15/2008 3:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would love to help a lady out in distress over the size of her lovebutton

bigmanlittleboat@gmail.com

 
At 8/24/2008 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love too entertain this for hours on end sounds yummy

 
At 1/09/2011 3:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a straight, 53 year old father of 4, but thoroughly enjoy seeing large clits.Since the clit is the female version of a penis, this is as close to being "gay" as I care to be, but no woman should be shamed of having a large one. my 48 year old wifes is small, but after years of attention, it now shows from under the hood, and looks much like a large, pink ,cashew ! for her to have 3 or 4 orgasms during sex is normal. Gentelman, take it from me, take the time, to explore, love and caress her clit, as well as the area above her slit, rub her tummy there, and experiment around her clit...wonderful things await!

 

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