Excellent Bile: SpongeBob And The Scumfucks Of Hate

I quote this in full from one of my favorite bookmarked sites, Splinters, a Brit blog at Spike Magazine. Sometimes it's very soothing to just sit back and listen to the righteous sound of fury.

SpongeBob And The Scumfucks Of Hate

I'm going to die soon. I'm going to die soon because my blood pressure will soon be so high it's going to puke out of my neck with the fragments of my cranium doing a jig of despair atop its frothy glugging. And what will be the cause of my fountainous demise? The hatred and bigotry that fuels these scumlicking conservative shitfucks who have nothing better to do than wank their obsessive, paranoid, utterly wrong opinions into the faces of a media that seems all too happy to lap up and report their merest brainfart on any subject. How is it that we get this dreadful shit thrust down our throats everyday? Why does anyone pay them attention? I was already feeling apoplectic with rage after reading Gary's spot-on summary of the murderous behaviour of the so called Christian Voice, when I then choked with disbelief at this BBC story about the US right attacking SpongeBob because he regularly holds hands with his sidekick Patrick. "We see the video as an insidious means by which the organisation is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids", says Paul Batura of right wing Christian group Focus on the Family. Holding hands equals "Brainwashing kids"? The pressure on my skull is all too great already.

I think all the real Christians in the world, the ones that actually believe in Jesus Christ and understand his teachings, rather than pervert everything in the Bible into an excuse to spew shit-streaked, inflammatory hate propaganda, should get together, go round to Mr Batura's house and beat the shit out of him. Better still, nail him to a fucking cross. He can be a martyr for my sins. OK, fair enough, real Christians wouldn't do that. Can't we just ship all these insane right wing fucks out to Fallujah and bring the Iraqi civilians back to the States and let the US wipe up its own mess for once under the cleansing power of napalm? The world would be no poorer for their absence.

Clearly tolerance is not on my agenda today. Lord, you have made me a channel of your incredulity that people can be so stupid. But, sweet Lord, why do so many cretinous people take your name in vain? Why can't they channel all that hatred and aggression into doing something worthwhile, like raising money for the tsunami victims, or their local homeless, or just rearranging their tie collection? Why can't you arrange some righteous smiting for the 21st century? There was carpet bombing on the Road to Damascus, true, but that's not quite what I meant. I would give anything, anything, for the Second Coming to actually occur in my lifetime just so I could watch Jesus, live on CNN, chucking some thunderbolts around at Mr Paul Batura and his ilk. Because if there is truly any celestial justice, they will be the first to go to hell.