Bush appointment: Michael Jackson as Chief Justice

Yesterday President Bush appointed Michael Jackson as Baseball Commissioner, but today he changed his mind, and put Mr. Jackson forward as Chief Justice. "Michael Jackson is a fine, decent man," President Bush said. "He is known for his great compassion for all God's children. His extensive experience of masturbating under the blanket prepares him for the great decisions a Chief Justice has to take, like who should be president." Other appointments by Bush are awaiting Senate confirmation: Pat Robertson as Iraq envoy ("Pat is known for his great compassion for Muslims"), Jerry Falwell as Saudi ambassador ("Jerry is known for his multi-lateral feelings towards other cultures"), Ken Lay as Security Exchange Commissioner, Bernard Ebbers as Secretary of Commerce, and Lyndie Englund as Attorney-General. President Bush also bestowed the Nobel Peace Prize on Donald Rumsfeld. When told that he did not have the power to give out a Nobel Peace Prize, he said "oh." Then he asked: "What if we invaded Sweden?"