Adam’s blogbox: America -- a nation of morons run by an administration of morons

Excuse me while I rant, but I’ve got to get this out of my system before I go crazier than Pat Robertson at a gay wedding.

Here we have an administration that starts a war with a two-bit dictatorship so our Texas boys can get at the 2nd largest oil reserves in the world, and so we can put a few handy military bases in the Middle-East, and what have we got?

Not much oil -- and none of the money we were supposed to get from the oil to pay for our war. Jeez, we’re getting less out of this war than Jesus got from Judas.

Actually, we have gotten something. Over 2,000 dead Americans. And we’re paying gazillions in taxes for them to die, more than 8 million bucks per dead soldier. Hey, I can kill my neighbor with a $4 kitchen knife; it shouldn’t have to cost that much.

As for our live soldiers, they’re being as useful as sperm in the uterus of a corpse, their butts blown through their skulls every day by IEDs, supposedly to win a victory -- except nobody can say what that “victory” is. Will it be when we’ve killed all the terrorists or insurgents? Like when is this going to happen, Mr. Rumsfeld? After your own death?

Meanwhile the ungrateful Iraqis are voting for a bunch of fundamentalist Shiites who are in cahoots with Iran, and these Shiites won’t give their oilfields to our boys or let us build military bases in their desert. They’d rather sell their daughters to apes. In fact, 84% of the Iraqis want us out of their country immediately, and 45% of them say it’s OK to kill Americans.

This is what we get for ousting Saddam and putting him on trial? This is what we’re dying for? This is the country we’re supposed to be nurturing to democracy? If we want Iraq to be so democratic, why don’t we listen to their democratic desires and get the hell out of their country? Fuck the Iraqis with the business end of porcupine, and Bush and Cheney with serrated oil drills for sucking up to them.

I could care less if a suicide bomber straps on a nuke and bombs every Iraqi to hamburger. I’ll eat that burger with onions. I’m no namby-pamby liberal. I’m a butt-kicking liberal. Just give me a weekend alone with Bush and Cheney; I’ll water-torture them till they confess they lied us into war. Let’s see how those two sissies, who weaseled their way out of Vietnam, hold up when the Geneva Conventions don’t apply to them.

Our soldiers keep dying in Iraq and we’ve got nothing to show for it. Winning the war on terror? What is this “war on terror” except a drive to create more terrorists? Bush is Bin-Laden #1 recruitment agent, for chrissake. The war is a total, complete f-up, the stupidest thing America has done since Elizabeth Taylor married her last husband.

Yet the morons running this incompetent war, were voted back into power by our nation last year. Why? Because of their values. And what are their values? They’re against abortion, gay marriage and evolution.

What the heck do these “values” have to do with what the administration has done to us? They’ve stuck us with more debt than all previous administrations since the birth of America COMBINED, and we’re voting for them because they’re against gay marriage?

What?! How dumb can we get, for chrissake? Like gay marriage is killing our kids in Iraq – and married gays are going to fly planes into the Capitol? What the hell are we smoking?

Now they tell us our soldiers are dying to stop Iraq from falling into the chaos of a civil war.

Do I hear this right? American kids are dying to prevent a bunch of Sunnis and Shiites from having an overdue go at each other? Since when is it the duty of Americans to die to stop other nations from having civil wars? Isn’t it the job of our soldiers to defend America and protect Americans? Hey, why don’t we send our soldiers to North Korea to teach them baseball, or to Chechnya to show them how to baste a Thanksgiving turkey, or to Nepal to demonstrate clip-on ties and oral sex? Why are our soldiers in Iraq -- to dispense therapy so Iraqis will play nice together? Suddenly we owe the Iraqis something?

What is this total rubbish? Are we a nation of complete morons? The idiots who run us should be laughed out of office. What have they done right? All they’ve done, besides plunge us into massive debt, is give already-rich dudes some huge tax cuts they don’t need, supposedly to stimulate our economy – which is the biggest bullshit I’ve ever heard. When you give a rich guy extra money, how is that stimulating the economy? It’s no more stimulating the economy than kissing a virus on the lips is eradicating HIV. Why should a rich guy rush out and employ more people just because he’s got extra money? He only goes out and employs more people if his business requires it, and business in the US doesn’t require it. In fact, GM plans to fire thousands upon thousands. Did the tax cuts prevent these mass firings? Does Jennifer want Brad back in her vagina? More to the point, why should a rich guy ever want to employ more Americans when he can get Chinese workers or even Irish workers way cheaper?

Who buys this BS from our administration? I’ll tell you who: a nation of morons, the dumbest bunch of cretins born ever, Mongoloids from planet stupid, retards from the swamp of ignorance, IQ-challenged uneducated illiterate meatheads, misbegotten mongrels whelped from the coitus of gorillas with warthogs, shit-for-brains imbeciles no smarter than rocks.

Let’s face it, America deserves the do-nothing-right, dumb-fuck administration we’ve got, because we’re the biggest dumb-fuck nation on earth. Living proof of Unintelligent Design. A tribe of medieval Bushmen living on shrubs in the desert has more smarts than us.

Now, after five years of mismanagement, we’re beginning to wake up, like a drooling autistic cretin who cops that someone’s been butt-fucking him hard for five solid years, yet all this time he thought the discomfort in his butt was just because he needed to go the bathroom. Bush’s approval rating is in the toilet, but it’s too late. He’s going to be President for another three years.

Who will we vote for in 2008? I don’t know yet, but you can be sure of one thing. If we get a half-competent administration, it will be because of luck, not because we used our brains, or suddenly got brains to use. It’s harder for God to put a brain into an American than it is for a grizzly bear to put his pogo up a fly.

We’ll be voting for another moronic reason, like gay marriage or abortion or tax cuts for the rich or a “war on terror,” or some such BS. We won’t vote for actual real-life, real-world reasons -- like job creation, or a healthcare system that works, or better public schools.

We’ll vote for some dumb-fuck reason, because we’re a nation of dumb fucks.

That’s it, my rant is over. I feel a little better now. Apologies if you feel worse. And happy Thanksgiving, y’all.