Adam Ash

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

"Truthiness" and some other new words that describe the new world we live in

The Truthiness and Nothing But the Blah, Blah, Blah -- by Johnny Boyd

America has been subjected to more than our fair share of new words in the last few years. Stephen Colbert's new word "truthiness" has made waves mainly because he's been cannon-balling the kiddie pool to get credit from the American Dialect Society for coining it. Truthiness, according to Colbert, is a devotion to information that you wish were true even if it's not like an evening of viewing Faux News.

My Webster's (copyright 1970) doesn't mention it as a word. Moreover, while writing this column Microsoft Word redlined it as misspelled. Of course, Microsoft Word is as stupid as Stephen Colbert's show which, admittedly, I'm addicted to. Colbert's contribution to the American lexicon might someday prove as popular as "brokeback," but it won't win any Oscars. Heck, he can't even get credit from the ADS.

I Googled "truthiness" and found 1,510,000 hits for it. Google is another word no one had heard of just a few years back and for good reason. Barney Google and Snuffy Smith weren't that funny and were difficult to relate to unless you're from Arkansas.

New words are fun. Old words are better, especially with new meanings. Here are a few.

"Blacklist" as in George W. Bush shouldn't appear anywhere that the guest register includes a list of black people. Especially black people whose lives have been devoted to civil rights and improving the state of the world they live in. Actually, he shouldn't appear anyplace where the guests aren't vetted as lobotomized cheerleaders.

"Gargantulie" is a term to describe such misleading statements as Iraq has weapons of blah blah blah. War against terror is fought over there so it won't be blah blah blah. Democracy is on the blah blah blah. Spin a gargantulie until it is truthiness and become a gargantuLimbaugh.

"Dieboldness" describes the act of stealing elections under our nose, but still being able to deny it ever took place. It takes true Dieboldness to deny America a way to cross-check something as important as a vote count. The IRS requires a receipt to write off a five-dollar lunch, I want one when I write in a five-dollar politician.

Which brings up a new word to define our democracy: "Transparenscrepancy." "Transparenscrepancy" describes the discrepancies found in the transparencies of democracy. Follow? Now say it five times fast.

"Sunktions" defines failed foreign policy. Just last week we were referring Iran to the UN to consider sanctions against it for developing weapons of blah blah blah. This week Iran is sanctioning Denmark and probably won't rest until the entire EU is cut off from its oil. The EU is shaking in its boots worrying about sales of Mercedes Benz to the oil-rich country. Sanctions are sunk.

"Neo-con" is a word no one had heard of until we elected a pile of it. Warning flags should have been raised in most people's suspicious minds when they saw the last three letters of the word. If these guys continue torturing and tapping soon they'll be known as ex-cons. Neo anything reminds me of "The Matrix." "Whoa."

"White News" is what passes for political debate on the myriad of cable news programs. The process of democracy is diced, sliced, and processed into which moron can yell the loudest. No one ever wins when bombarded by white news, especially the American people.

"Budgetitis" is an illness because the budget is tight for most Americans unless you're the federal government, which spends like a 16-year-old at the mall with daddy's credit card. Under the Bush administration, all budgetary spending is directly related to how much taxpayer money can be divvied up to political supporters like Halliburton and the drug companies, not to mention the sale of public lands to its developer cronies to pay off the tax cuts it gave them. What a cool piggy bank for the wealthy! Wait until they get their hands on Social Security.

"Republicon" is related to neo-con because those last three letters have been used on truck drivers, Wal-Mart workers, and much of the middle class to make these folks believe that the Republican Party has some interest in their interests. Republicons have taken over the dialogue on talk radio, white news shows, and conned the gullible into believing the gargantulies that budgetitis means cutting programs that protect your grandma instead of raising taxes on the elite. When you have to pay for grandma's drugs you won't be able to pay for your own.

An alternative definition of "Republicon" refers to the heroes on the right and their troubles with the law. John Poindexter, G. Gordon Liddy, Ollie North and, allegedly, Rush Limbaugh are all Republicons. Bill O'Reilly might have been tossed in there if he hadn't moonwalked out of his alleged perversions by settling out of court.

"Prosti-institutional" defines the entrenched harlotry of our elected government representatives. Thinking people can trace money to the root of all problems, whether it's the environment, the lack of health care, or corrupt government. The people's representatives should spend more time working for the people rather than whoring in the corners of the halls of government to the highest paying John.

Finally there are the "Democraps." A political party so far in the toilet its only agenda is to let the other party implode on its own. Look Democraps, if you want an implosion, someone has to light the fuse. You have the greatest politician the world has ever known within your ranks. One who hails from Arkansas and relates to Snuffy Smith. Moreover, according to the gargantuliars, his vice-president invented the method to Barney Google the Internet. You should use him despite the gargantulie that he never had sex with that woman. Let him light the fuse that infuses your party, or reach up from the porcelain bowl and pull the handle. That's the truthiness.

(Johnny Boyd is a columnist for the Snowmass Sun in Snowmass Village, Colorado. His children's book, First Tracks, is much tamer than this column. E-mail to:


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