Adam Ash

Your daily entertainment scout. Whatever is happening out there, you'll find the best writing about it in here.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

JESUS NATION SEX REBEL, mini-chapter 20


Even though the Patriot Board hearing was hanging over Rachel’s head, she and Eve had a lovely evening together. Eve brought a tape of the last week’s Biblical Oscars with her, while Rachel cooked a five-course meal, ending with Eve’s favorite dessert, chocolate mousse.

Oscar night was the only time that Females in America were allowed to wear dresses that revealed their shoulders, which made it the most popular program in the land, even more popular than the Holy Super Grail (the Christianized Superbowl).

“I don’t believe it,” said Rachel, “what is she wearing?”

She was the Actress of the Moment, famous for her portrayal of Mary Magdalene in this year’s “Life of Jesus,” which was filmed every year from a new script by a new director.

She was Rebecca Jackson, and she was wearing a pouf-like contraption that tousled out from below her bare shoulders in great billowing folds.

“She looks like an ice-cream peeking out of a frilly ice-cream cone,” said Eve.

“And heavens, her hair!”

Rebecca Jackson’s hair was held up in some kind of layered projectile.

“Her hair is the Tower of Babel,” said Rachel.

“The tongues of men get all tied up when they see her hair.”

Rachel and Eve fell giggling into each other’s arms. Then Eve looked into Rachel’s eyes: how would she ever be able to give up Rachel if the unthinkable happened and she got reclassified?

“Don’t, Eve,” said Rachel. “Don’t think about tomorrow. Tomorrow is tomorrow, next week is next week, and today is your birthday. Let’s stay in celebration mode.”

Eve wanted to cry but swallowed hard.

“I’m OK, Rachel,” she said, and marveled at how Rachel was suppressing her own feelings, when she knew that her status could change to Scarlet.

“Eve, I’ve got to say it again,” said Rachel, suddenly very serious. “I don’t want you to testify on my behalf.”

“We’ve focused on this already, Rachel.”

“”I don’t want to get you into trouble. Everybody likes your work at the Sex Aversion Therapy Clinic.”

Rachel had already been suspended from her job at the clinic.

“I don’t want to hear one more word from you about it,” said Eve. “To be precise, you’re my friend. Between my job and my friend, I choose my friend.”

“Your testimony might not make any difference. Why take the risk?”

“I have to do it, Rachel. I could never live with myself if I didn’t regarding this.”

“You should ask yourself if it’s the truly Christian thing to do, Eve.”

“I believe it is the only Christian thing to do.”

“Most Christians would disagree with you. It’s very non-Christianist to defend a single mom-to-be.”

“If it’s not Christian, then I will just have to do one non-Christianist thing in my life.”

Rachel burst into tears. “Look what I’ve done. I’ve just made you say something Non-Sanctioned.”

Eve had been disturbed by how strong Rachel had been in the face of this looming calamity. She herself would’ve crumbled long ago. She’d been aching to be put in a position of comforting Rachel, and here it was.

“Now Rachel. Now, now.” She put her arms around her friend. But Rachel drew her breath in very sharply, gathering herself in a single, sharp intake of breath, and clamped a mask of strength over her features.

“We’re watching the Oscars, darn it,” said Rachel. “It’s your birthday. You’ve posted your profile. Let’s enjoy ourselves.”

“Indeed,” said Eve, a little disappointed that Rachel didn’t want a comforting embrace. “Maria Flint will cheer us up,” Eve continued, to cover up her disappointment.

“Everyone in Christendom is waiting to see Maria Flint,” agreed Rachel.

Maria Flint had caused a scandal at last year’s Biblical Oscars, when she dared to show a teensy bit of cleavage. She had brought shame down on the entire occasion. Her cleavage was bounced over the Internet, and played over and over again. She would’ve been banned from this year’s ceremony were it not for her brilliant performance in the latest film on another favorite subject, Joan of Arc. As it was, Maria had almost been jailed, and had to pay a fine of over a million dollars. If she weren’t the girlfriend of the son of a famous evangelist, she would never have been given the option of a fine. He stood by her just long enough to get favorable ratings for his new Sunday morning program, and then he left her. Nobody expected her to win the Oscar this year, even though her Joan of Arc was the best one that anyone had ever seen. But everyone was waiting for her appearance after her year of shame.

Their favorite dress was a simple loose tent dress that hung off the shoulders of Diana Glass, who was a transplanted German actress.

“Such dignity, such grace.”

One could always rely on Diana Glass to set the true Biblical standard. It was said that she’d been forced into her public role of dignified modesty because she was foreign, and being foreign was almost tantamount to being Non-Sanctioned. Someone from Europe was by definition a pagan until proven a Christian. Diana had to maintain her pose of dignified modesty for years before full acceptance.

Then the host announced that the next award would be given out by Maria Flint. An audible intake of anticipatory breath sounded out from the audience.

“Here she comes!”

Eve and Rachel shrieked together. They had opened a bottle of champagne – which blew Rachel’s Sanctioned Alcohol Ration for six months – and were a little tipsy. Being tipsy was Non-Sanctioned Behavior, but forgivable. Heck, it was Eve’s birthday.

Maria Flint walked out, her head held high. As one, the audience rose to their feet and burst into thunderous applause. Rachel and Eve leapt from the couch and danced together, shrieking. Maria Flint had done a stunning about face. It was a gesture of winning drama: fabulous, funny and serious, all at the same time. It was a plea for forgiveness, and it earned its wearer enthusiastic absolution in spades.

Maria Flint was covered from top to toe in a blazingly golden suit of armor, as befitted her Joan of Arc role. Only her eyes were visible under a shining helmet.

“Maria is wearing a Christian burka,” said Rachel. Eve laughed until her ribs hurt. I’ll never have another friend as wonderful as Rachel, she thought.


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