JESUS NATION SEX REBEL, mini-chapter 47

47. RACHEL AND EVE DISAGREE ABOUT SEX

Why am I having these thoughts about my friend? Eve asked herself. Has the fact that Rachel has become a Scarlet changed our friendship to the point that I doubt her loyalty?

“I’m not telling anybody anything regarding this, am I? Are you?” she asked.

“You know I wouldn’t dare tell anyone that I’m friends with a Beloved.”

“Our knowing each other is more dangerous than any number of Non-Sanctioned Notions we might have.”

“Why didn’t you drop me when I got pregnant?”

Rachel had never asked this before. Eve wondered if something was wrong.

“Maybe I thought friendship was stronger than Jesusland.”

Rachel gasped. “That’s the most terrible Non-Sanctioned Notion. I’m not good for you.”

“Let me be the judge regarding this.”

“How long has it been that you’ve been without a man, Eve?”

“Three years, isn’t it?”

“I hope this new guy does a good job of initiating you. Especially so you’ll realize you’re there for his pleasure, not the other way around.”

Rachel had no idea how much Eve wished for a good initiation, although it was not the one Rachel had in mind. Maybe tonight’s dinner would lead to what Eve wanted.

“So do I,” said Eve. “But don’t get me wrong. The sex I want is dedicated to God. I know my body is a temple of Jesus, and I want to devote its pleasure to Him.”

“Where did you dig up this doctrine? This has nothing to do with Approved Thought. You’re full of Non-Sanctioned Notions.”

“I think this doctrine should be part of Approved Thought. God created our bodies. He wants us to enjoy them, doesn’t He?”

“Sex is there for procreation, and as a sacred ceremony for two married people. Only they are allowed to enjoy it. Outside marriage, sex is only allowed for Mature Daters, and only as a path to marriage under the Dating Protocols of the Bureau. What you’re saying is ridiculous. It sounds like some twisted version of what they called free love. Sheer decadence with a dollop of God thrown in.”

“It’s not. It’s Eros allied with Christus.”

“It’s claptrap. You keep coming up with such theories, you’re headed for a Patriot Board.”

“When I get to the Top Tier of Behavior Design and Management, I’ll make everyone think like me. Religion cannot be used to suppress sexuality. It’s too basic an impulse. I know it from my work, don’t I? It has to be integrated in a focused way, like I do with my patients. It cannot be banished.” Hmm. Here she was all of a sudden making up her own Theory of Aversion Therapy, too, along with these new thoughts about sex. A small rebellion going on here. “We must realize that God meant us to live in joy with our sexuality, not against it.” She wondered why she was sharing this with Rachel. Being among the Blesseds must have rubbed off on her. She was talking too freely. Like Esther, her new role model. She wasn’t even sure she believed in what she said. She sounded almost as irresponsible as that young man who was so upset about his lover K. Still, she liked being as freewheeling with her opinions as a Blessed. It made her feel like one. She found it quite gratifying to shock Rachel, too, the way she knew Esther had relished baiting her. Maybe she was preparing herself to confide in Rachel about her Secret Sexual Lack.

“Well, that’s not what the Men of the Gospel say,” replied Rachel. “And that’s not what I believe. Sex gave me my child, for which I’m grateful, but it also gave my second-class Scarlet Classification, for which I’m not grateful.”

“If your male had not dumped you, you’d appreciate the focus of my theory.”

“Well, I don’t. You shouldn’t tell me. It’s not good for friends to know dangerous things about each other.”

“Just what do you mean?”

“We should live Approved Lives with Approved Thoughts. We’ll make each other decadent if we don’t watch out.”

“You’re acting like a typical Classified Scarlet, aren’t you? All scaredy-cat.”

“Now you’re not being fair.”

Rachel burst into tears, and Eve put her arms around her. Rachel was right; that was unfair. Why did she do it? She knew why. She was thinking about moving away from Rachel. Maybe drop her completely. With friends like Esther, she did not need Rachels.

Then she stopped herself. What was she thinking? Rachel was the whole reason she had become ambitious in the first place.

“Anyway, fair or not fair, meanwhile I have a friend who is not classified,” said Rachel. “Thank you for that. Nobody’s been as Jesus sweet to me as you have.”

It annoyed Eve that Rachel should thank her for something that went without saying. “You don’t have to say thank you. Friendship is friendship, isn’t it?”

“Nobody keeps a friend who’s been classified.”

“I’m not nobody, am I? I don’t plan to be. When I move up, I can focus on doing something regarding your status.”

“That would be nice.”

Odd. Rachel really believed something like that could happen. Did she, Eve, still believe it? Was that still the thing that drove her?

“Well,” said Rachel, “I’m off to go and face my pestering boss.”

As soon as Eve was alone, she stripped the “A” off her chest and put it in her bag. She walked to her clinic deep in thought. How wise was it to keep up this dangerous friendship with Rachel? She’d have to make a decision about it. Sooner rather than later. Then she stopped herself: why am I thinking like this? What is happening to me? How can I think about giving up my best friend? Is this what meeting Esther has done to me? My first acquaintance with real power, and I think about dropping my friend?