Adam Ash

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Monday, April 24, 2006

THE SEX REBEL OF JESUSLAND, mini-chapter 56

56. ON TOP OF THE KNOWN WORLD

This was their fourth date.

According to the Dating Protocol of the Bureau of Behavior Design and Management, they would have to make a full report after this, beyond the usual requirement of registering the time, place and nature of their Registered Dates (RDs).

The most important fact that they had to report on was sex, because they were not part of the Bureau’s Volunteer Abstention Program (VAP) or the Volunteer Virgin Program (VVP) for First Daters. To start their Mature Singles Dating Program (MSDP), they were given Three Sanctioned Sex Credits (TSSCs) to spend, and the Bureau wanted to know what, when and where in a Relationship Progress Report (RPR).

Once they had spent their credits, they had to a decision to make.

Did they want to stop? If so, why? The Bureau needed to know for the next matchup.

If they wanted to continue their dating, they had to consider whether they wanted to register for a Serious Exploratory Phase (SEP) that lasted a mandatory six months. If yes, why? The Bureau of Behavior Design and Management put a great stress on Cognitive Reasons Why. There was a reason why instruction in Dating Codes and Relationship Discussions (DCRD) were part of the Middle and High School Curriculum.

If they broke off their relationship before the six months of SEP were up, they had to go through a six-month Abstention Cooling Off Period (ACOP). They had to hand in a written report again, and their Match Maps of Compatibility (MMCs) were adjusted according to their Ethnicity, Class, Education, Geography Parameters and Preferences (ECEGPPs), and their Personality Trait Clusters (PTCs).

ACOPs had to start all over again after their six months were up, while SEPs had to decide whether they wanted to stop or continue into SRVMP, the Serious Relationship with a View to Marriage Program.

At this time they would undergo a Full Evaluation (FE) by the Bureau of Behavior Design and Management, together and individually, and a Relationship Progress Report (RPR) would be filed, together with a Prognosis Report (PR), a best-guess projection of the outcome of their relationship. Once you entered SRVMP, you were committed, and the Bureau was also fully committed to your success until you attained Fully Married Status (FMS). If things fell apart at this late stage, both you and the Bureau officials responsible would have to answer to a higher Echelon, with possible penalties if your Cognitive Reasons Why (CRWs) were not satisfactory.

So the journey under a MSDP from MSD status via RDs and TSSCs through SEP and SRVMP with RRs, RPRs and PRs replete with CRWs deliverable at every stage and ECEGPPs and PTCs adjusted along the way to the final FMS, was strictly regulated and actively overseen by the Bureau of Behavior Design and Management (BBM).

It worked like clockwork. There were clear goals and set timetables. All the guesswork and messiness was taken out of relationships.

Their fourth date, when they were about to spend the last of their Three Sanctioned Sex Credits, was therefore very important, and spent in a state of self-consciousness, because they would be taking mental notes about what to say in their individual RPRs.

Eve asked Adam about where they were going. The conversation was a little like being interviewed by each other for their reports.

“I call it Sugar Mountain,” he said. “The place of happiness. I once spent one of the happiness days of my life there.”
“Alone?”

“No, with a companion.”

He took her to a store where he bought her walking shoes. Strong, sturdy, and above all, comfortable.

“Are they comfortable?” he asked. “Do they feel like you’ve had them for years? Do they feel better than the shoes you came with?”

“Indeed. Indeed. Indeed.”

They took a subway to Brooklyn and picked up his car, which he kept in a friend’s garage.

Then they drove out to the mountain he called Sugar Mountain. It wasn’t really a full-scale thousands-of-feet high mountain, although it had a peak, and entailed a little rock climbing at the end.

He had two backpacks and handed her one.

“What are these for?”

“A picnic,” he said.

“My oh my,” she said. “What are we having for our picnic?”

“Let it be a surprise,” he said.

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