THE SEX REBEL OF JESUSLAND, chapter 130

130. THE MEN, THE CHOICE.

There had always been loneliness, and a certain toughening of her bones inside it, which she did not know about until she set forth on her journey into men, which ended in two men, Adam and Ezra, the one whom she wanted for sex, and the other for ambition; the one steady and devoted to her body, who awoke it and kept it awake; the other a wild buccaneer, beckoning from the heights of power.

Who would she want here, now, to face what was coming?

Ezra could not help her here, in this cell. Adam could. If his body were here, his eyes, his smile, his tongue, she could face what lay ahead. She could see her angel again, the three trees, the two on either side becoming wings to make the messenger of God. Adam was the messenger of that angel. He was the one she needed now. She heard his voice in the court. She heard his anguish.

“Eve!”

She heard her own anguish when her throat opened of its own accord and her vocal chords joined his and shouted without any intervention of her mind:

“Adam!”

This man felt her in his bones. And now, at last, without him here, she felt him. She would choose him to join her for the hardest time in her life, and that would be enough. Enough, because she would be able to answer his love with her own. She wanted to live, not in order to live, but to have the chance to tell Adam that love had come to her at last. Dear Adam, I want to spare you the suffering I know you’ll have all your life if you have to go on believing your love went unanswered. That’s the only thing I still want to do, alone here, waiting for the end of my life and the end of this new thing, my love for you.