Adam's blogbox: on having a dick

Men think about sex all the time, women not as much. What does this mean? Well, being a man, it means you think of your dick more often than any other body part. It's not really thinking about sex: it's about feeling your sense of self as centered in your dick.

Do women think of their vaginas? Is that where their sense of self lies? I don't know, but I do know that while I'm sitting in front of my computer, like when I'm reading this right now, I have one hand clamped around my knob.

Do women sit in front of their computers with their fingers up their vags? Somehow I doubt it. I'm not talking about masturbation; I'm talking about sitting with your hand on your crotch -- the need to be in manual contact with your manhood.

Why do men think about sex all the time? Well, if you're walking around outside, you'll invariably see a chick or two, and when you see a chick, a man invariably thinks about whether he wants to fuck her, and he usually thinks yes, and then he asks himself, how badly do I want to fuck her? and when he thinks that, he is actually addressing this question to his dick, and if he gets a slight stirring from it (and sometimes a full-on hard-on, especially if he's still a teenager), he knows he wants to fuck her badly, and if he were a millionaire, and had the courage of his million, he'd offer her five thousand bucks for the honor to fuck her. (I wonder if millionaires actually do that.)

That's how men are, ladies. That's what you're dealing with. Doesn't that make you feel rather powerful? I know it must make you feel icky, but the positive way to think about it is to know you have power. Men think about their dicks all the time, and you, women of the world, are in charge of that department. In a way, men are constantly thinking about their helplessness in the hands of women. (Listen, I'm trying, really trying to put a feminist spin on man's dick obsession.)

Now, when a man is alone, without the stimulus of women, he is not totally alone. He has a constant companion: his dick. That's what being alone for a man is. And that's when your dick will make you think about women you know you'd like to fuck, and women you have fucked or, worst of all, women you could have fucked but were too shy or stupid at the time.

Dammit and begorrah -- all the hours of their lives that men waste on thinking about their dicks, instead of composing operas, or writing thrillers, or starting new businesses, or all the other actually worthwhile things to do. Still, it's not all wasted. Consider this: if Bush and Cheney thought about their dicks more often than they thought about war, the world would be a better place. If only men could think about their dicks to the exclusion of war. Jeez, maybe men don't think about sex enough.

I don't know what brought this on, but I thought you might like to know your blogger is a guy, and while he's blogging, he thinks about his dick more than he thinks about blogging for you. And when you, a lady, talk to a man today, you have to know what a stoopid low-life creature you're dealing with. While he's looking at you, listening to you, paying attention, he's thinking about fucking you. Weird, isn't it?