The finest public shithouse in all the world

All That’s Missing Is Mr. Whipple/NY Times Editorial

Visitors to New York inevitably discover — often to their great distress — that finding a public toilet is like getting a same-day table at Per Se. So it seems perfectly natural that the biggest new attraction in Times Square is a kind of Disneyland of restrooms, where in return for being a bit player in an extravagant salute to a toilet paper brand, visitors can find comfort in real, individual bathrooms that are spanking clean and gosh-darn cheery.

A huge blue and white billboard heralds the restrooms at 46th Street and Seventh Avenue and the sponsor, Charmin tissue. Perky Charmin greeters also venture into the surrounding area to find people in need. No opportunity for branding the good deed is missed. An escalator rises past Charmin ads, with accompanying jingle. All this, from a company whose television commercials used to whisper the words “toilet paper.”

Tourists, some of them understandably in a hurry, may find it disconcerting to be stopped, on the way to the toilet, by a greeter saying: “Hi! Welcome! Where are you from?” while uniformed attendants dancing to the Charmin jingle occasionally do a playful bump with people in line.

Afterward, a fireplace and couches in the waiting area encourage people to linger, and they do, taking photos, pulling out cellphones, making themselves at home. All might be expected to take home tales of the great accommodations in Times Square, setting up false expectations for next summer’s squad of tourists since the company is closing the restrooms on Dec. 31.

The Charmin operation was welcomed by Mayor Michael Bloomberg with a note of envy in his voice. The city has been struggling to create its own system of public toilets since what feels like the beginning of time. More than a year ago, the Bloomberg administration finally sealed a deal to install the first 20. Latest word is that relief is still months away.