The Golden Globes were a hoot - best awards ceremony ever (and they did it without a host)

I watched the Golden Globes on Monday night, and it was the best awards show I’ve ever seen (good article about it below), because it had the best speeches. A bunch of Brit actors had great lines -- why do they always seem to be wittier than their American counterparts? Maybe because they never pander.

Wonderful moments were also delivered by Meryl Streep, the Ugly Betty star, Tom Hanks, Warren Beatty, etc. And the Borat guy, Sacha Baron Cohen, was flat-out piss-in-your-pants hilarious. There were some quick cuts of actors in the audience reacting to his humor, and they were in stitches like I’ve never seen. I was also amazed at his bearing: he was utterly commanding and tall, like some emperor talking to his subjects. You could also see how good an actor he is, because he himself is utterly unlike the characters he creates (unlike say an actor like Jack Nicholson, who is a lot like all the characters he acts).

This was the first time that, after an awards show ended, I did NOT have that empty, disappointed feeling that I’d sort of wasted my time.

There was an amazing political moment. The screenwriter of “The Queen,” a Brit called Peter Morgan, asked something along the lines of “What must happen before a leader listens to the people?” referring not only to the Queen, but hinting at our own Bush. Then he must’ve got a message to get off stage, because he said, sort of surprised, “I must wrap it up?” and ended his little speech. It was not a time issue; he had not been up long. Some goddam producer obviously wanted him off-stage because they didn’t want to risk this guy saying something else against our Asshole-in-Chief. Imagine, the gall of this Brit! That goddam producer should be whacked over the head with a volume of Bush’s signing statements.

Here’s a good article about the Golden Globes evening, although the writer is totally wrong in her snarky comments about Kyra Sedgwick, who was very gracious, even though she was overwhelmed and had obviously not expected to win at all.

Stay golden, Golden Globes
The more casual, spontaneous precursor to the Academy Awards honors some unexpected newcomers -- and plenty of unexpected remarks.
By Heather Havrilesky/Salon.com

Monday night's Golden Globes included a bevy of unexpected winners, from Sacha Baron Cohen (who won best actor in a musical/comedy for "Borat") to Eddie Murphy (who took home his first major award, best supporting actor for his role in "Dreamgirls"). But the unexpected comments were the highlight of the night.

Isaiah Washington got things off to a good start on the red carpet when, in a clumsy attempt to make up for his alleged homophobic slurs on the set of "Grey's Anatomy" earlier this season, he announced, "I love gay. I wanted to be gay. Please let me be gay." Yes, please let us be gay, too. Let us be a gay, black man. No, let us be a straight, Latino teenage girl. No, maybe we'd rather be a thriving rhododendron, or a hamster with an outgoing personality.

Then again, we might want to be a female actor, now that they're not all hungry-looking beauty queens. Amazingly enough, this was a very good year to be a nonwhite, non-anorexic woman (Jennifer Hudson won best supporting actress for her role in "Dreamgirls," America Ferrera won best actress in a TV comedy for "Ugly Betty," and Shonda Rhymes' "Grey's Anatomy" won best TV drama) or an older woman (Helen Mirren won for lead roles in both "The Queen" and the HBO miniseries "Elizabeth I," and Meryl Streep won a best supporting actress award for "The Devil Wears Prada").

Of course, what we all really want to be is Jack Nicholson, with his perpetual grin of self-satisfaction and his excellent courtside seats at Lakers games. Since sometime in the early '90s, award winners at both the Golden Globes and the Oscars can hardly get to the part where they thank their agents without interrupting themselves either to say "I can't believe I'm staring at Jack Nicholson right now" or to address Jack directly by his first name. Jack invariably responds with that inscrutable grin and, if they rate in his book (which means they're either a Hollywood legend or Kobe Bryant), he growls something witty that the microphones can't pick up.

But even with big names like Warren Beatty, Clint Eastwood, Meryl Streep and Dustin Hoffman around, there were still lots of fresh, unexpected faces in the crowd this year. When accepting her award, "American Idol" finalist and "Dreamgirls" actress Hudson gushed, "I have always dreamed, but I never ever dreamed this big!" Then she added, "You don't know what this does for my confidence!"

Despite being referred to as "ugly" constantly, Ferrera's confidence got a boost as well when she beat out Felicity Huffman and Marcia Cross of "Desperate Housewives," Julia Louis-Dreyfus of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" and Mary-Louise Parker of "Weeds." (As nice as it is to see so many female-dominated comedies on the air these days, it's a little sad that women have to be referred to as desperate, ugly, old or stoned to catch our attention.)

"It's such an honor to play a role that I hear from young girls on a daily basis how it makes them feel worthy and lovable and they have more to offer the world than they thought," Ferrera rambled weepily. Such an unforeseen burst of heartfelt sweetness assured that there wasn't a dry eye in the room. The camera quickly cut to a bunch of actresses blinking back tears: Salma Hayek, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Teri Hatcher, Annette Bening, Jada Pinkett Smith ... Then Ferrera twisted the knife by thanking her mom and -- gulp! -- calling her "Mommy." Hey! That's my mom's name too. (Sniff.)

"Ugly Betty" also won best TV comedy, and even more surprisingly, "Grey's Anatomy" beat out "24," "Lost," "Big Love" and "Heroes" for best TV drama. "Grey's Anatomy" is a solid show, but with such strong competition, not to mention neglected dramas like "Battlestar Galactica" and "Friday Night Lights," the oft-repeated words of Ellen Pompeo's Meredith Grey came to mind: "Seriously? I mean, seriously?" Series creator Shonda Rhymes humbly echoed those words upon accepting her award.

Of course, such bashful remarks didn't erase every last tiresome Hollywood tic. At least, instead of thanking their agents by name, most winners thanked "my team" (a catchall category that presumably includes agents, managers, stylists, personal trainers and Reiki healers). But when Kyra Sedgwick won best actress in a TV drama for her lead role in TNT's "The Closer," she came across -- as so many actresses do -- as both affected and caught off guard. (Are those affectations so deeply ingrained that they're around even when an actress is being spontaneous, or is that pseudo spontaneity just another affectation?) Sedgwick also skipped the "team" catchall and thanked her publicist and her lawyer by name. Yawn. Why not haul them all up onstage while you're at it, so a whole crowd of professionals can cheer at the flawless inhuman human being they've created?

There were plenty of odd moments onstage, though, starting with the confusion and long silence that followed Justin Timberlake's announcement that Prince had won a Golden Globe for best original song for "The Song of the Heart," which he wrote for "Happy Feet." Timberlake looked around for several moments, clearly expecting Prince to come up to the stage, but when he never showed, Timberlake said, "I guess Prince couldn't be here, so uh ...," and then, bending down so that he was about a foot shorter, "I'd like to accept this award on his behalf!"

At the one-hour mark, there was Prince, at the table right behind Eddie Murphy. Was His Highness late, or in the bathroom getting high? Hugh Grant cleared up the mystery, announcing that Prince had been stuck in traffic, and added, "Very easy to get caught in your car in this town!" Ahem. There were a few titters, but not the rousing laughter you'd expect. I guess Hollywood Boulevard prostitutes are no longer the fashionable accessories they once were.

Second only to older women and women of color among the honorees were British men, who can always be relied on to abandon the formal thank-you speech and get a little weird. Hugh Laurie won the award for best actor in a TV drama, and after thanking the "wonderful crew" on "House," he digressed entertainingly: "I know that everyone says they have a wonderful crew but logically that can't be the case, they can't all be wonderful. Somebody somewhere is working with a crew of drunken thieves, but it's not me. They are truly a wonderful collection of people, and I am privileged to spend my days in their company, and they smell of newly mown grass."

Then there was Bill Nighy, who, after winning best actor in a TV miniseries or movie, remarked, "I used to think that prizes were damaging and divisive until I got one. And now they seem sort of meaningful and real."

But the most bizarre comments of the night came, not surprisingly, from Sacha Baron Cohen, who took home best actor in a comedy or musical for "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan":

"I saw some dark parts of America, an ugly side of America, a side of America that rarely sees the light of day. I refer, of course, to the anus and testicles of my costar, Ken Davitian ... And then when my 300-pound costar decided to sit on my face and squeeze the oxygen from my lungs, I was faced with a choice: death, or to breathe in the air that had been trapped in a small pocket between his buttocks for 30 years. Kenneth, if it was not for that rancid bubble, I would not be here today."

Tom Hanks also veered into off-color territory in presenting Warren Beatty with the Cecil B. DeMille award for lifetime achievement. After marveling that Beatty won "Most Promising Newcomer" back in 1962, he went on to rave about Beatty's "balls" ("and by balls, I mean artistic vision") over and over again, nine times by my count. The running joke not only didn't get much of a laugh but even seemed to make the unflappable Beatty slightly uncomfortable.

Upon accepting his award, Beatty expressed envy over Eastwood's career. "Clint, please, are we not friendly? I don't understand. First you do one great movie right after another movie, then you've gotta go do two more movies that are just as great as the first two movies, but you've gotta do them at the same time, no less, and you've gotta do the score? How do you think that makes me feel?" Beatty wrapped it up by snatching the "most touching speech" honor straight out of Ferrera's hands, addressing his wife, Annette Bening: "Thank you for our life together, and for making me feel that I am always your most promising newcomer." Aww. Wait, was he trying to be dirty?

Since this year's proceedings were all about balls and rancid bubbles, the only vaguely political comments came at the very end of the night, when California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger presented "Babel" with the best picture award. Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu took the statuette and quipped, "I swear I have my papers in order, governor, I swear!"

The Winners:
Best film (drama) -- Babel
Also nominated:
Bobby
Little Children
The Queen
The Departed

Best film (musical or comedy) -- Dreamgirls
Also nominated:
Borat
Little Miss Sunshine
Thank You For Smoking
The Devil Wears Prada

Best director -- Martin Scorsese - The Departed
Also nominated:
Clint Eastwood - Flags of Our Fathers
Clint Eastwood - Letters from Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears - The Queen
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu - Babel

Best actor (drama) -- Forest Whitaker - The Last King of Scotland
Also nominated:
Leonardo DiCaprio - Blood Diamond
Leonardo DiCaprio - The Departed
Peter O'Toole - Venus
Will Smith - The Pursuit of Happyness

Best actor (musical or comedy) -- Sacha Baron Cohen - Borat
Also nominated:
Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean
Aaron Eckhart - Thank You For Smoking
Chiwetel Ejiofor - Kinky Boots
Will Ferrell - Stranger Than Fiction

Best actress (drama) -- Helen Mirren - The Queen
Also nominated:
Penelope Cruz - Volver
Judi Dench - Notes on a Scandal
Maggie Gyllenhaal - Sherrybaby
Kate Winslet - Little Children

Best actress (musical or comedy) -- Meryl Streep - The Devil Wears Prada
Also nominated:
Annette Bening - Running With Scissors
Toni Collette - Little Miss Sunshine
Beyonce Knowles - Dreamgirls
Renee Zellweger - Miss Potter

Best supporting actor -- Eddie Murphy - Dreamgirls
Also nominated:
Ben Affleck - Hollywoodland
Jack Nicholson - The Departed
Brad Pitt - Babel
Mark Wahlberg - The Departed

Best supporting actress -- Jennifer Hudson - Dreamgirls
Also nominated:
Adriana Barraza - Babel
Cate Blanchett - Notes on a Scandal
Emily Blunt - The Devil Wears Prada
Rinko Kikuchi - Babel

Best foreign language film -- Letters From Iwo Jima (US)
Also nominated:
Apocalypto (US)
Pan's Labyrinth (Mexico)
The Lives of Others (Germany)
Volver (Spain)

Best animated feature film -- Cars
Also nominated:
Happy Feet
Monster House

Best screenplay -- Peter Morgan - The Queen
Also nominated:
Guillermo Arriaga - Babel
Todd Field and Tom Perrotta - Little Children
Patrick Marber - Notes on a Scandal
William Monahan - The Departed

Best original song -- The Song of the Heart - Happy Feet
Also nominated:
Listen - Dreamgirls
Never Gonna Break My Faith - Bobby
Try Not to Remember - Home of the Brave
A Father's Way - The Pursuit of Happyness

Best original score -- Alexandre Desplat - The Painted Veil
Also nominated:
Clint Mansell - The Fountain
Gustavo Santaolalla - Babel
Carlo Siliotto - Nomad
Hans Zimmer - The Da Vinci Code

Cecil B DeMille Award - lifetime achievement -- Warren Beatty

Best series (drama) -- Grey's Anatomy
Also nominated:
24
Big Love
Heroes
Lost

Best series (musical or comedy) -- Ugly Betty
Also nominated:
Desperate Housewives
Entourage
The Office
Weeds

Best mini-series or film made for TV -- Elizabeth I
Also nominated:
Bleak House
Broken Trail
Mrs Harris
Prime Suspect: The Final Act

Best actor (drama) -- Hugh Laurie - House
Also nominated:
Patrick Dempsey - Grey's Anatomy
Michael C Hall - Dexter
Bill Paxton - Big Love
Kiefer Sutherland - 24

Best actor (musical or comedy) -- Alec Baldwin - 30 Rock
Also nominated:
Zach Braff - Scrubs
Steve Carrell - The Office
Jason Lee - My Name is Earl
Tony Shalhoub - Monk

Best actor (mini-series or film made for TV) -- Bill Nighy - Gideon's Daughter
Also nominated:
Andre Braugher - Thief
Robert Duvall - Broken Trail
Michael Ealy - Sleeper Cell
Chiwetel Ejiofor - Tsunami: The Aftermath
Ben Kingsley - Mrs Harris
Matthew Perry - The Ron Clark Story

Best actress (drama) -- Kyra Sedgwick - The Closer
Also nominated:
Patricia Arquette - Medium
Edie Falco - Sopranos
Evangeline Lilly - Lost
Ellen Pompeo - Grey's Anatomy

Best actress (musical or comedy) -- America Ferrera - Ugly Betty
Also nominated:
Marcia Cross - Desperate Housewives
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - The New Adventures of Old Christine
Felicity Huffman - Desperate Housewives
Mary-Louise Parker - Weeds

Best actress (mini-series or film made for TV) -- Helen Mirren - Elizabeth I
Also nominated:
Gillian Anderson - Bleak House
Annette Bening - Mrs Harris
Helen Mirren - Prime Suspect: The Final Act
Sophie Okonedo - Tsunami: The Aftermath

Best supporting actor -- Jeremy Irons - Elizabeth I
Also nominated:
Thomas Haden Church - Broken Trail
Justin Kirk - Weeds
Masi Oka - Heroes
Jeremy Piven - Entourage

Best supporting actress -- Emily Blunt - Gideon's Daughter
Also nominated:
Toni Collette - Tsunami: The Aftermath
Katherine Heigl - Grey's Anatomy
Sarah Paulson - Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Elizabeth Perkins - Weeds