Cheating on your lover: a woman's response
"Anony-Miss" responds to questions in previous post (Sex rears its yummy head 1):
The condom question:
"I don't cheat because I love the sex I have with condoms, and I don't want to subject myself to endless negotiations with new talent who will perhaps... try to have sex without a condom! My current man is excellent in bed, most compatible I ever had, and I have better sex with him wearing a condom than I ever had pre-condom. (Yes, I came of age during a condomless summer.)
For me the whole idea of sex without condoms is quite boring and off-putting, but I'm still fertile and I'm also opposed to abortion. So... I don't think it would be right for me to increase my risk of pregnancy... and that's my other reason for using condoms. My boyfriend understands this and I don't know if other men would -- a lot of guys today are not sophisticated about abortion; they assume that someone as liberal as myself will also be willing to have an abortion. I appreciate my boyfriend for being civilized about that and not putting me at risk. Strangely, this affects my libido."
The love question:
"I also -- this is really boring! -- find true love, the tenderness that comes from a man's heart, a major turn-on. You can't find that everywhere, and I know that other sex partners will be friendly or fun, but not so deeply involved with me. And, though I am a rather healthy girl (I can come with almost anybody), I don't really crave another casual orgasm.
I do however crave the intrusive emotional orgasms that I have with my darling boyfriend. And the idea of sex with someone who doesn't care about me very deeply leaves me cold. I know this is quite old-fashioned, but I wasn't always like this."
The age question:
"I will never be "too old" to cheat -- what the hell is THAT? But I don't want some other man walking around thinking that he's getting away with something behind my boyfriend's back -- no matter how much free love or liberation, there is some primal stuff going on in our hearts.
When you have sex with somebody else's man or woman, you have scored a point: you feel a bit sorry for a wife if you're fucking her husband; you "have something on them." People who deny this are either midwestern swingers or totally in denial."
"I have cheated on all my other men, but for the first time I am with somebody whose reputation and status I cherish -- as far as I'm concerned, he is king of my jungle.
But this is also a vanity issue -- if you value yourself as a female, and see yourself as a prize catch instead of just another sexual citizen in the democratic republic of pussy... you can enjoy practicing some restraint. You feel like you are giving him something special that you never give to others, and it's a huge ego trip (for the female) ... but years of cheating and experimentation have gone into this highly evolved stance."