Adam Ash

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Sunday, February 13, 2005

Monaco stands firm in war on terror

The tiny principality of Monaco has announced that its three harbor boats will soon be equipped with radios in its war against terror. “Our boat captains should know about any imminent attacks,” said Prince Ranier. “Next year we’ve budgeted for two-way radios, to co-ordinate our defenses.” Asked about Monaco’s readiness to interrogate terrorists, Prince Ranier affirmed: “We stand ready to adopt torture techniques from Guantanamo the moment we find a terrorist in any of our casinos. But instead of playing them heavy metal music to break them down, we have invested in a CD of Polish Polka music.” Asked whether it was true that many old terrorists retire to Monaco because of its laissez faire attitudes, the Prince replied: “It would be a better world if all terrorists retired to Monaco today. As part of our effort to lure terrorists to Monaco, every retired terrorist will receive a free stack of $5,000 chips. In the war on terror, Monaco puts its money where its mouth is.” Prince Ranier has been dead for two decades.


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