Adam Ash

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Monday, May 23, 2005

A new major at the Pope's College: exorcism

The Pope's Regina Apostolorum University in Rome is to offer courses on Satanism and exorcism. The courses for novices and trainee priests will start in February next year. They will cover demonology and the devil in holy texts, as well as pathology and medical treatment of people allegedly "possessed by Satan". One teacher, author and journalist Carlo Climati, said the seminars would end with two exorcists sharing their experiences. They would explain how to tell the difference between a sick person that requires medical treatment and someone possessed by the devil. If you try to exorcise a devil from someone having a heart attack, the person might go to heaven sooner than necessary.
In related news, Yale Professor Craphogger has designed a way to impregnate impressionable youths with an otherwise harmless succubus that leaves their souls intact, but enables them to execute projectile vomits that shoot right across a room. "This will become a very necessary weapon for kids in their battles with their parents, teachers, and other representatives of a repressive establishment. It's difficult to exercise authority over a kid when you've got his half-digested fried egg all over your face."


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