Adam Ash

Your daily entertainment scout. Whatever is happening out there, you'll find the best writing about it in here.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Bush urges us to drive less to conserve gas; proposes other novel solutions

What a great idea. Let's drive less to conserve gas, Bush tells us. Wow. Hey, it's not as if our government hasn't pitched in themselves. Ever since Bush came to power, his administration has been working night and day to fund and promote alternative energy sources, and gone out of its way in heroic efforts to make us less dependent on Mid-East oil. Didn't you know that?

Some other solutions we can expect soon from our wise, sagacious, prudent, do-less (like taking 5 weeks vacation) President:

1. Fuck less. That way we'll make fewer children, and with fewer children, we'll need less education, so that's how we can solve our education problem, by fucking less.
2. Invest less. Cut down on Wall Street chicanery by buying fewer stocks.
3. Buy less. That way we can cut down on crime, because there'll be fewer things to steal.
4. Shit less. That way we can save water, because we'll flush less.
5. Chew less. Save your teeth. Stop high dentist bills.
6. Breathe less. That's the best way to fight air pollution. Just breathe less of the air.
7. Tax less. That way we won't have to expect government to actually do anything to solve any of our problems. Oh, that's been done already.

President Bush: what a total, complete and utter asshole. I firmly believe that if we put an actual asshole up there with the ability to speak in mellifluous farts, we'll have a better president than The Incompetent Chimp. Bush talks out of his ass anyway, so we might as well have a real hairy, stinky asshole as President. I'd be inclined to trust a real live asshole more than the phony White House asshole we've got now. And now that he appears to have run out of an agenda, I urge him to start drinking again. What can he lose? The Russians had a drunk as a president in Yeltsin, should't we have one too? It's not as if it's going to affect Bush's job performance. And it'll be much more entertaining than his dumb-ass speeches. Our last President fucked chicks: why can't this one hit the bottle at least?


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