Man sued for not giving woman orgasms

I've blogged about this report before, but I've had a few new thoughts since then, so I'm posting the story again with my expanded thoughts on the subject of women's sexual rights:

A Brazilian woman is suing her partner for not giving her orgasms. According to Terra Noticias Populares reports, the unnamed 31-year-old woman filed a complaint at Chacar Urbana Police station in Jundiai. She complained that her 38-year-old partner reached an orgasm and then simply stopped the sexual intercourse.

Police chief Jose Roberto Ferraz is investigating the case. A police spokesperson said: "We will look into it, we will treat it as an ordinary complaint and let the judge decide."

Meanwhile, the man should be grateful to her for reminding him of his sexual duty to make her come.

It is every man's obligation to make a woman climax if she lets him stick his winkie in her. It stands to reason: if he gets off, so should she. Sexual pleasure is a two-way street. If a man can't do it with his dick, he should use his tongue. And if needs be, he should ask his woman to instruct him in the proper application of his tongue to her clitoris. And let's not overlook the nipples and the G-spot. Do you know where your woman's G-spot is, you male dolt?

Indeed, every man who does not fulfill his end of the sexual bargain, should thank his lucky stars if he only gets sued, since every woman now has the Bobbitt option -- to cut off your dick if you don't satisfy her. Remember? Few people recall that when the police arrived at the scene, with Lorena Bobbitt brandishing a knife and her husband John Wayne Bobbitt’s MIA penis now AWOL, the words she used in her statement to the police were: “That’s the last time he finishes first.”

There you have it: female frustration in a nutshell, as well as the proper, if extreme, response. It’s not about your winkie and its jizmic release, buddy -- it’s also about her clitoris and its stimulation to the point of her release. Which she totally deserves for making you shoot your lucky wad.

I'm actually amazed more women don't opt for the Bobbitt option, and that we don’t hear the audible plops of thousands of dismembered penises biting the dust, and the shriek of surprised men across the globe, and the glee of avenging females dancing on their partners' lobbed-off willies, now that the doughty Lorena Bobbitt has long since shown us the way. Have we already passed the 10-year anniversary of Lorena's Resounding Blow for Women's Sexual Rights?

Let us laud this pioneer: Lorena Bobbitt, female sexual rights heroine. One day she will take her place in the canon of Women’s Liberation pioneers, along with Mary Wollstonecraft, Elisabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Emmeline and Sylvia Pankhurst, Simone de Beauvoir, Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem.

And ladies, remind your selfish lovers that your kitchen is full of sharp knives. Also, that there’s the Cuisinart and the microwave, in which your lover’s detachable penis may find itself shredded or cooked, so that it won’t have the John Wayne Bobbitt option of being re-implanted on its owner’s selfish, duty-shirking body.