Adam Ash

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Monday, June 12, 2006


97. Bonking the Beloveds

“How many of these pretty little sheep have you bonked for me?” asked Adam.

“It’ll be easier to show you whom I haven’t fucked. Let me see.” Adam slid his eyes across the women.

“You bonked them all? When do you find the time?”

“I use my afternoons as well as my nights. That one, I haven’t fucked that one.”

“She’s not half bad.”

“You want her? I give you my permission, even though I haven’t had her yet. Am I generous to my friends or what? See you later, Adam. Go in peace. May your zipper always be active.”

Adam wondered whether he should take up Ezra’s offer to sleep with the females in his compound as long as Ezra had had them first. There was something a little tasteless about the way Ezra behaved. It was quite frankly European. In fact, downright Frenchified. Not that his own trolling for females on dating sites was above reproach. In fact, what was the difference between him and Ezra? Not much. Ezra was simply more open about it. So why did he vacillate about taking up Ezra’s offer? A matter of masculine pride, perhaps. He was quite capable of finding his own females, thank you very much. He didn’t need another’s man’s help or largesse.

He would have to sleep with someone, though, to show his gratitude. You had to pick up the crumbs that powerful men threw you, or they’d get upset. They liked to have their generosity appreciated. Ezra was going to make sure that he, Adam, would become a Blessed. No reason to upset that applecart.

When he thought about it, he really had it covered these days. On the one hand, he was friends with Ezra, one of the highest Blesseds in the land, practically a Man of the Gospel. On the other hand, he was friends with Jeremiah Luther, the country’s leading evangelist, and the leader of the new Christians. I’m a power in my own right, Adam thought. For a Beloved, I’m doing quite all right, thank you. I have the leading talk show, because of my friendship with Jeremiah. I have a way of fitting in with powerful men, of bending my academic intelligence to their minds, like an amiable echo chamber. I can enter into Jeremiah’s debate with himself and his uncertainty about whether he is the new Christ leading the new Christians, and support him in his uncertainty. With him I act like a perfect Goddist, whereas with Ezra I act the complete opposite. I can throw back Ezra’s cracks about women and sex like some Jesusphobic Frenchie, which I certainly am not. I’m a chameleon, that’s what I am. I can take on the colors of powerful men. Look how much Joshua Grant liked me. Listen to the treasonous things Ezra says to me, with the most comfortable ease, about the Non-Sanctioned subject of sex.

That evening Adam caught up with Ezra again. Ezra was a changed man.

“Adam, we’ve got to celebrate. I just landed the biggest deal of my life. This changes everything. It’s amazing. We need Scarlet for this celebration.”


“One of my secretaries. It’s my pet name for her.”

“Sexy name.”

“Sexiest woman in the world,” said Ezra, and smiled. “Fucks like a porn star.”

“How would you know how a porn start fucks?”

“God gave me an imagination. Scarlet’s the kind of woman who could take on the two of us together.”
“What deal are you talking about?”

“I landed the deal for the first test case under the new law everyone’s talking about. They established a very special Special Tribunal for this. Usually they only establish Special Tribunals for Enemy Combatants, but they’ve established one for this. It’s a totally new thing. Every household will watch. With this show, I’m going to be able to start a new network on satellite. The highest good is the highest TV ratings. You have no ideas how many satellite hookups I’m going to sell. Yet another triumph for Christian technology. How about putting your show on my network?”

“You can start a new network?”

“Yes. I’ve got the OK. Not everyone is a fan of Sunday Fox Media. I’m moving all my shows over to the new network. Quite frankly, they’ll be left with zilch. I produce all their top-rated shows. My brain children. They think they can screw me over, by overlooking me for their CEO. Well, now they’ll get some serious competition. I’ll screw that Esther Todd into the ground.”

“Why don’t you just screw her?”

“I did. We were married once. She gave me my first leg up in the business.”

“You should’ve stayed married to her.”

“She cheated on me.”

“You didn’t fuck her right.”

Ezra didn’t even laugh. He was too fired up about Sunday Fox.

“They thought they had me when they forced me to sign a one-year deal on
my shows, but they didn’t know what a big mistake they were making. Next month all the rights revert to me.”

“You outfoxed Fox.”

“I already have enough shows to fill two nights a week, Thursday and Sunday. I could fill the others with syndication. We can use your show as the lead-off on Thursdays. But the trial, that’s three hours a day. I’m going to clean up from seven to ten every night. On weekends, discussion panels about what happened that week, and predictions about what’ll happen the next week. What a launch for a new network.”

“When is the case going on?”

“Two months’ time. There’s a lot to do. Got to speak to the judges, the jury, everyone. We’ve got to make a riveting show.”

“Who is the accused?”

“Don’t know, but they swore to me she’s beautiful. We need a beautiful woman. We want people to love to hate her.”

“Why would they hate her?”

“Are you kidding? A mother who murders her own baby? While it’s helpless in her womb? When she doesn’t even give the poor child a chance to see daylight? What could be more hateful than that?”


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