Adam’s blogbox: thank God Hezbollah won, it’s the best thing that could’ve happened for America

Look, I don’t like Hezbollah any more than I like the Israelis. Which means, not much. My basic position vis-à-vis the Middle East is, fuck ‘em all. Fuck Iraq for costing us $250m a day or whatever, a goddam fortune that would’ve been better spent on educating poor black kids in the Bronx.

But Americans should be utterly grateful to Hezbollah. We should maybe kiss Nasrallah’s plump butt. Grease it with lavish applications of unguents and myrrh. Place our lips against his anus and nibble gently. Because by heroically standing up to Israel, he saved us from a war. The Lebanon War was planned by Israel, and backed by Bush/Cheney, as a demonstration exercise in how to take out Iran by bombing them.

Now Hezbollah has shown it can’t be done. If Hezbollah hadn’t embarrassed Israel to the point that the US finally devised a cease-fire to save Israeli face, we would’ve been bombing Iran just before the November elections, and that would’ve brought us untold buckets of purest holy Shiite shit. So bend down, America, and kiss Nasrallah’s feet, if you can’t stand the thought of puckering up to his sphincter.