Funny guy Scocca imagines emails from Foer

In a much-dissed NY Times profile of novelist Jonathan Safran Foer ($1m advance for 2nd book), Deborah Solomon says Foer wrote her 150 emails. Tom Scocca in NY Observer imagines:
"No. 120: I was walking George in the park again earlier this hour when she suddenly lunged and gobbled up half the remains of a dead squirrel. Five minutes later, she vomited it all over the grass. She vomited it up so easily and nonchalantly, it gave me a pang. Dogs have such pure, honest reactions to things -- both coming and going."
"No. 627: I told you that I wished I could talk like a black person. It's more than that, really: I wish, in the give and take between us, that I could give myself to you as a strong black man. You could receive my thoughts as if I were making strong love to you on satin sheets with the music of Barry White or Marvin Gaye -- making love to you with my large penis, which would not be an offensive racial stereotype yet would be a penis of unmistakable substance. Instead I feel as if I'm humping away in a rabbity fashion on a futon, after a dinner of takeout Italian, with Dido on the stereo, and I'm hoping to make up for my shortcomings with earnest cunnilingus in a little while. This is all just a figure of speech!"