No more terror alerts; desecration of Bible urged

There's at least one good thing about the Presidential election being over and done with: no more terror alerts. Now that the Bush administration is back in the saddle again, terror alerts are down. To absolutely zero, in fact. Of course, those terror alerts weren't related to the election at all. Homeland Security never stooped to electioneering. It's just a coincidence that there's nothing to be scared of these days.

In related news, controversial academic Yale Professor Craphogger is urging all U.S. citizens to desecrate the Bible. "If we desecrate our Holy Book, that will make Muslims feel less bad about the Koran being desecrated, and save many Muslim lives. I call upon all true U.S. patriots to come to the aid of our country in this humanitarian effort.

"I don't recommend trying to flush the Holy Bible down a toilet, though. The Bible is too big. It will just block the toilet. Better to tear out the pages and chew them into spitballs, and flush the spitballs down the toilet.

"In urban areas, the pages may also be used to poopscoop. For those who cannot bring themselves to commit such dire desecration, even when so many lives are at stake, drawing crescent moons over the pages of the Bible is a milder form of desecration."

Professor Craphogger says he will approach the Pope about other forms of desecration that might meet the desecration standards of the Catholic Church. "Perhaps gluing the pages of the New Testament together might be an acceptable form, or pasting nude photographs of women on the pages of Genesis or Revelations. But we have to act fast, to save the Muslims from themselves -- from erupting into terrible, temperamental rages, like those spontaneously exploding drummers in Spinal Tap."

Professor Craphogger also hastened to add that desecrating the Bible was not actually desecrating the word of God. "It's not as if every Bible was personally penned by the hand of God. The Bible is only paper and ink printed by a publishing company, who is making money off the word of God, which in itself is a form of desecration."

Professor Craphogger last venture was selling toiletpaper stamped with images of Osama Bin Laden.