Penis wants a raise

This is one of these bits that spread by email all over the net. As a writer I must say it always bothers me that the original writer's name gets lost along the way. Somewhere, someone writes something like this, and then it gets passed along and along, and the people who pass it on, don't credit the original genius. Foul! Anyway, all hail to the original writer of this funny piece, whoever you are.

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
- I do physical labor.
- I work at great depths.
- I plunge head first into everything I do.
- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
- I work in high temperatures.
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
- You do not work 8 hours straight.
- You fall asleep after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
- You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
- You do not take the initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as  wearing protective clothing.
- You will retire well before you are 65.
- You are unable to work double shifts.
And if all this is not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management